I see the worst of me in you...

Psychological projection is when we refuse to admit to our own shortcomings and then attribute them to others. Especially our worst attributes!

Normally people will do this so that they can feel better about themselves and justify their own shortcomings. It's just so much easier to blame others for your failures and your shortcomings than to take responsibility for it. 

I often wonder how people can feel good about blaming and belittling others? There must be something serious wrong with your way of thinking and your value system!

We all deal with people who blame others and try and make you wrong so that they can be right. Such people are usually afraid to admit that they share a part of the responsibility. And they are particularly vindictive when they have something to hide!! You see, they have to start an argument so that they don't have to give reckoning when they are takien to task. Whilst you are still thinking about the insults and the blame that was projected your way, they are already onto the next topic. 

Just next time pay attention and you will see that this is a masterful way of avoiding taking responsibility and being held accountable.

It is hard to take responsibility for our own actions and then get rid of our emotional baggage. It is much easier to blame others!

I've just been on the receiving end of such a "projectile"! Somebody that has met me no more than 3 times. That knows absolutely nothing about me but takes the liberty to project her own insecurities and shortcomings on me. That feels entitled to insult me, tells me what a terrible person I am (even though she has not spoken more than 200 words with me in her life)

And you know what...I didn't even retaliate. I just shook my head and moved on...because let me tell you sweetheart...you are not worth spending a minute of unhappiness on. Not one single minute. If you can be so insulting and vindictive because someone actually held you accountable...I'm just grateful you are not my friend.

The "blamer" is ALWAYS in the weaker position. Especially if YOU can rise above it and walk away. Because by doing that you give them NO POWER.

Stop projecting your weakness unto others...some of us see right through you! 

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE UNTIL YOU START BLAMING OTHERS FOR YOUR OWN MISTAKES

Romans 2:1 
You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

If you send me another game invite I will...

Sometimes it gets really funny!  

Getting all those game requests and those that you not know how to stop from going out to users that don't want to play!!

There are very opinionated people in this world that are quick to say that Gamers are LAZY, UNPRODUCTIVE and all sorts of negative things.. They have no problem getting rude and in extreme cases they would even unfriend you!

I guess this week's blog is for them! :)

I want to talk about what i have LEARNT from gaming. I started gaming long ago...you see I have one of those brains that doesn't switch off! I mean, like NEVER switch off. Even when I sleep it still works. In my project management days when we had a problem we couldn't solve the team normally gave it to me to "sleep on" and I would get back with a acceptable solution the next morning! Seriously! :)

My brain would have filed everything and processed it during the night and when I wake up in the morning the solution would be as clear as can be, It's still like that and therefor I PLAY GAMES! It is the only time that my brain is single-mindedly focussed on just ONE thing! IT IS WHEN MY BRAIN ACTUALLY RESTS

This is what I have learnt from gaming:

LESSON 1: YOU CAN DO ANYTHING

Sometimes even your imagination cannot reach as far as the story line in a game. Not because you are not creative but just because you haven't thought about it. Gaming teaches you that ONE PERSON can change the world (I play CRIMINAL CASE on Facebook - and I solve every single problem presented to me...in every case!) So I have learnt that accomplishments are only limited to effort. Many of my FB friends have given up playing Candy Crush...I still play..and sometimes with huge effort I move up a level...the more difficult is gets, the slower I move...but I MOVE!!

LESSON 2: YOU CAN'T DO EVERYTHING

Not alone anyway. You sometimes need friends to send you stuff like energy or keys or clues for you to be able to move up in the game. Soem games are impossible to play on your own...if you try you will not progress...you are taught that you are not an island...that you need other people to sometimes help you achieve things. It's just how it is.

LESSON 3: PERSISTENCE PAYS OFF

I've learnt that if I keep going...sometimes over and over again...even when it gets tough...when I expect it least, I succeed. I was once stuck on a level in Candy Crush for more than 3 months and I played every day to beat that level) and then one day when I expected it least...POW WOW!! I did it!! I went through to the next level! I have learnt that just because I failed 200 times it doesn't mean that I am a failure. I've learnt that when I make mistakes sometimes I can correct them in the same game but sometimes I have a to wait 24 hours to try again...having learnt from my mistake..it becomes easier the next time and my chances of beating that level increases!

It rarely has anything to do with talent...it ALWAYS has to do with perseverance!!

LESSON 4: NOT EVERYTHING IS FUN

Some "modes" are less enjoyable than others. Sometimes they are frustrating (like needing one more move to win and not having it!) But you need to go through those "un-"enjoyable moments to get to those stages or modes that you like and enjoy. Sometimes you are forced do those horrible things over and over again and it looks as if it will never end and it does! It ends and then the next stage is the one you enjoy the most!

Life is like that too! Sometimes we have to wash the dishes so we can serve the cake! 

LESSON 5: MANAGE YOUR RESOURCES WELL

Prioritize, get and keep what is important. Sometimes you need to save up to get through. Sometimes you have to wait 3 or 4 days before you have enough resources to solve the case! The best thing about games are THERE IS NO CREDIT!

LESSON 6: BE PATIENT

In Criminal Case you have to wait for days for clues to be revealed...and whatever you do doesn't make it appear faster  (you can cheat by paying actual money to reveal quicker - but I made a pact with myself many years ago to never pay for stuff in games) so then you wait...and you learn to be patient!

I know it irritates you when you get game requests and you are not a gamer but maybe just maybe you should look at what you can learn from gaming and give a shot! 

I have made so many friends all over the world because of games on the internet...friends I would have never known if it wasn't for Gardens of Time or Criminal Case or some "team" game. Some have become part of my daily circle, some are hovering in the background and I hear from them once or twice a year on my and their birthday...but I know one thing...

MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN POORER IF IT WASN'T FOR GAMING. THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO SAID..YES I WILL PLAY WITH YOU! 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven.... 

Procrastination...no...I work better under pressure!

Some wise guy once said..."When there is a hill to climb, don't think waiting will make it smaller"

I have never been a procrastinator but lately I find myself postponing things until it is such a huge MOUNTAIN that I don't feel like doing it either!

 I am normally so good at having everything organised...I mean after all I have been a project manager all my life...you work according to a work breakdown structure...a time schedule with deadlines and consequences! 

Maybe I am "over worked" - not in the sense of having done hours and hours of work and then getting physically tired...but MAYBE I am just tired of always organising everything and making sure everything is in its right place.

REBELLION??? (I think I am a bit old for rebellion, don't you? I mean 56 years old and still rebelling?? Eish! )

My mother would tell you very quickly that I wasn't a neat child. My room and cupboards were always "deurmekaar" and if she wanted to punish me she had to make me repack and organize them! I normally just kicked everything under the bed! (If my children had done that I probably would have kicked their little arses)

Then there was a stage in my life when I became a real neat freak! The coat hangers in my closet all had to face the same way (backwards) and the clothes were all arranged in their colours...which wasn't too difficult because at that stage of my life I wore only a few colours (and I'm finding myself going back to that stage lately! Except now the colours are predominantly black) Even my books were indexed according to the DEWEY system...Complete with labels on the spine!!

Lately I keep on finding the best excuses NOT to do what I have been postponing!

On her way to the Von Trapp family home for the first time, Maria sings about "I have confidence in Me" (Sound of Music - my all time favorite movie). And she says:

" My heart should be wildly rejoicing 

Oh, what's the matter with me?

I've always longed for adventure

To do the things I've never dared

And here I'm facing adventure

Then why am I so scared"

But I'm not scared...and I have confidence in me!! Maybe I'm just lazy...maybe I'm just not in the mood to be the only one doing things...putting things in place,,,picking them up from the floor where others have dropped them...maybe I just have BETTER things to do!

I found this lovely picture on the WWW. 

So MAYBE I am just one of billions of people who don't always feel like doing things when they are supposed to be done!! Maybe I just do NOT want to be in a routine. 

One thing I know for sure is...I am writing this post now just so I don't have to clean up the table I am sitting at!!

                        

WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE??

Luke 12:35  Stay dressed for action and keep your lamps burning...

Do you run the Guilt Trip Travel Agency?

Sometimes people are not even aware that they are guilt tripping others - although I know a few that are VERY aware that they do!

Guilt tripping is when we manipulate someone to make them do something they didn't want to do.

The best "guilt trippers" are of course DOGS!! I have the prime examples in my household! Sitting and looking at you with those sad"puppy dog" eyes...master manipulators!! And they win each time!

So they condition us into getting their own way...and we fall for it every time. After all...they are animals, helpless animals and we are supposed to look after them!! KNOW THAT FEELING?? Of course you do!

I also see this guilt tripping on Facebook when it comes to animals...people make you believe that you shouldn't buy a puppy from a breeder - rather get one from the shelter...buying a PURE BRED puppy from a breeder does NOT make you a MONSTER!!

The second best tour guides to guilt trips are MOTHERS!

For generations guilt provoking mothers are everywhere. It doesn't matter what you do, it's never good enough. Even if you are over 50 your Mother still thinks of you as a child and she hasn't accepted that you can think for yourself, make your own decisions (and mistakes).

Here is a NEWSFLASH for you...if your mother makes you feel that way...it is because she is projecting her own guilty feelings of inadequacy onto you!! Or maybe she just can't let go...Or maybe it actually has nothing to do with you...and are ingrained behavior that comes from her relationship with her own parents? 

Should you confront here next time you recognize this behavior? Probably not, but understanding where it comes from will hopefully give you a mechanism to cope with it. 

Guilt is a painful emotion - that is why it is such a powerful tool to get others to do what YOU want them to do. Because of this we will always try and get rid of it and if we can't, we often get angry at the person who is making us feel guilty! There is only ONE way of getting rid of these guilt trips...

The price we pay for this type of behavior is much higher than we actually think. Although if I asked you straight out...do you resent the "guilt tripper" your answer would probably be NO! 

Because this occurs mainly in very close relationships we are "conditioned"  that it is acceptable behavior. The target normally has very strong feelings towards the perpetrator and it is exactly these feelings that are being used to make the "victim" behave the way the guilt tripper wants!!

GUILT ACTUALLY POISONS OUR RELATIONSHIPS! And like many people that are murdered through poisoning...they never even know it (or expected it) until it was TOO LATE!!

Start by telling the guilty party that you would be more eager to assist them in doing what they wanted if they ASKED YOU DIRECTLY.

* Set some boundaries.
* Be Kind 
* Be Patient
* Avoid Name calling
* Be aware of your own behavior

(although it isn't easy... it is the only way to break this cycle of EMOTIONAL ABUSE)





Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Are you a Closet Bully?

I hate bullies. I've always hated them...

In fact when I was younger I went out of my way to put them in their place. And I was proud of that. I mean, after all, I stood up for the underdogs, those people who couldn't or wouldn't stand up for themselves!

BUT I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT YOURSELF AND ANSWER THE FOLLOWING ...

1) How do you react when you see a young girl/woman with an ultra short mini, exposed midriff and stilettos?

Do you by any chance think  (or say) something like:
"Cheap slut";
"Didn't her mother teach her to dress properly"
Do you show your young girls that person and say something like "don't you ever dress like that. She looks like a whore/prostitute "

Do you show your young son that person and say something like " If you ever bring a cheap girl like that to our house I will chase her away"

2) Are you forever posting comments on other people's Facebook pages (lots of times people you have never met in real life) criticizing something they did or said? Or they posted a complaint and you write a whole essay in response on how it isn't like they said? Just because their opinion or beliefs do not correspond with yours? 

3) Do you latch onto a News story and "give it to them" in the comment section and anyone that dares contradict you are attacked or belittled because they dared disagree with you? Calling them trolls and all kinds of insulting names...not necessarily on Facebook but definitely in the privacy of your home behind your computer? Where you can hide behind the screen and anonymity?

4) Are you the Grammar and Spelling Police, calling everyone dumb because they cannot spell?

5) Do you sit at the hairdresser and tell everyone who wants to hear (or not, like me - this is a pet hate of mine...having to listen to all the gossip at the hairdresser!!) how you put the teacher in her place because she dared ask you why you were late fetching your child? And who the hell is she because you are entitled to a very hectic and busy life and she just has to wait, because after all "I pay her salary"!?

6) Are you one of those people that are hung up on other people's weight and EVERY conversation you have somewhere has a comment about how FAT other people are and how YOU do not have to diet? How you NEVER had to diet in your entire life? Do you judge people on how much they weigh? And everyone that is overweight are gluttons?

Does any of this sound familiar? 

If it does, I have BAD NEWS for you... YOU ARE A "closet" bully!!

Please think about it...

• 

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Make it one of your resolutions this year not to be judgmental. 

In Afrikaans we say "beterwetig " (always knowing better). Ban those thoughts from your life and spread positive and uplifting energy this year.

DO NOT BE A CLOSET BULLY

Luke 6:31 Do to others as you would have them do to you...

New Year's resolutions...

This year is already 7 days old! How many resolutions did you make for this year? How many of those have you already broken!?? :)

A Resolution is a FIRM decision or intention to do or not do something...and we all make them at the start of each year and a week later they are either broken or forgotten! Right?




I had a male teacher in Standard 4 (Grade 6 these days) that used to say that "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" So I already decided in 1970 something *wink, wink* that I wasn't going to hell

Why make them if you know you are not going to keep them? So that you can prove yourself right or wrong? Don't you know who you are and what you are capable of?

I wake up everyday and I make resolutions...for that day ONLY. Sometimes I write it down so I can check them off my list at the end of the day...It gives me some kind of perverse pleasure to do that! It may be something as simple as *make someone smile today* OR something as difficult as *be patient with those around you today*

That is how it should be...ONE resolution for ONE day. That way you NEVER set yourself up for failure...and at the end of the year you have SUCCESSFULLY achieved 365 resolutions! How easy is that??

We should write them down on a piece of paper each day (BUT only if we achieved them) and throw it in a bottle...to be opened on New Year'S Eve at the end of the year...

OR EVEN BETTER

why not have 4 bottles? One for each day's resolution and one for ...

BLESSED

GRATEFUL

THANKFUL  

RESOLUTIONS

We should treat every new day as a NEW YEAR's day...and live each day as if it is our last...when I lay my head to sleep...I want to know that I have done my best today, been my best, been my kindest to my fellow man...and if I died in the night...those that knew me and those I loved will think happy thoughts about me...I didn't let anything stand between us, nothing was left unsaid...all was forgiven and ...

MATTHEW 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own"

Look for the BLESSINGS...not the TROUBLES...those will present themselves without request.

Welcome 2017...bring it on!!

Dear 2017

Welcome home! I waited for you for 364 days! This time last year I believed that 2016 was going to be the best year of my life . ..but it disappointed . ..not too bad though . ..there were many highlights

1. Emmi Elizabeth arrived...

What a ray of sunshine she brought to our lives !!

A real little darling that almost always welcomes me with a smile.

Lots of laughs giggles and kisses 😇😇

2. Altus found the love of his  life ...

What a difference a year makes! Sometimes something  (or someone) special is right under your nose... 😍😍


3. We found out that Femke Anja is on her way...

Hey little girl we can't wait to meet you!

A miracle and a blessing! Oupa Gryskoppie is already shopping for golf clubs for you and your cuzzie Emmi!


4. I started my new Art collection...

Lavender fields by At Botha... Such a beautiful painting . ..I am in love with it...it is getting a place of honour in our house.

5. Health and blessings...
So many  other blessings...special moments; family ...

THANK YOU LORD FOR ALL MY BLESSINGS AND CHALLENGES 

I start this  year with Romans 8:31

IF GOD IS FOR US, WHO CAN BE AGAINST US?